We all need to laugh, so enjoy some ski humor.   Home       Ordering & shipping info       Customer comments       Search page

You know you're a real skier if...

• Your significant other thinks diamonds are black.
• Have broken or torn something on your body.
• You own a $100.00 dress or suit, but have a $600.00 ski outfit.
• Have more skiing pictures than wedding pictures.
• Complain about a $$1.00 hamburger, but have no problem paying $60 for a lift ticket.
• Your ski gear is worth more than your car.
• You pay off your visa by the end of summer just to make room for ski season.

You may be a ski bum…

• When a night out means Old Milwaukee and chips.
• When you buy only $5.00 worth of gas.
• When the term car, truck or van means home.
• When you shop at the lost and found.
• You can live for 5 months on $100.00 worth of food.
• When the word frostbite means a little numbness.
• When your thumb is your only means of transportation.
• When -40 means no lift lines.
• Your dream job is the night janitor at the lodge.

Humorous definitions of some ski terms;

• ski bum;  a person who takes a low paying ski job at a ski resort to watch other people with high paying jobs ski.

• ski school;  where beginners are turned into menaces.

• the snowplow; a skiing position in which the tails of the skis are pushed into a V-shape and the insides are edged. This is usually the first maneuver beginners are taught. From there they learn more complicated maneuvers like the Snowsit, the Snowfall and the Tipscross followed by the ever popular Faceplant.

• snow;  a form of precipitation that usually occurs three weeks prior to and the morning of your departure from your ski vacation.

• Stizmark; a German word for the imprint left in the snow made by a falling skier.

• Stiz-remark; an Anglo-Saxon word that can be heard by a fallen skier.

• Ski Patrol; a group of trained, experienced volunteers or professionals, wearing distinctive parkas with crosses, who are responsible for the maintenance of safety, the elimination of dangerous conditions, and the treatment of injuries at a ski area.  A note to skiers: although members of the ski patrol are prepared to respond instantly in any emergency, a broken hot tub is not considered life threatening.

The naked lady story;

Conditions were perfect. 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options.

Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set up your skis so you don't move. She had them positioned the wrong way.

Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, through the trees and somehow missing all of them, and onto the slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees and she was picking up speed. She continued on backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At last her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital.

In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So. how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.

"It was the darndest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up the ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward out-of-control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and pants down around her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved and fell out of the lift."

"So, how'd you break your arm?"